flat on the floor.

a day ago.. i had the worst episode of insomnia..

i was up till 3 in the morning.. for no apparent reason besides.. i just cant sleep.

do you even know how frustrating that was?. when your body is more than tired.. and yet your mind doesn't agree with it.. making it harder to juts shut your eyes. and ride off to dreamland..

perhaps. this was more than the nightmare anyone else could get while they were sleeping.. its like a burden i have to bear for everytime i meet my pillows in my bed..

its like a human essential i cant seem to get my hands on easily unlike other people.. and yet no one gets just how much i have to go through with this disorder.. its like.. they juts laugh at it. find it.. funny? interesting?

and what. do they think its funny when you get an unending layer of eye bags? a whole morning spent wasted because you REALLY need to catch some sleep? and do they think it means nothing to just feel having the world on your shoulders when your supposed to be in the comfort of your slumber???

man.............. i dont really know if its even right for me get my head hot on this.. but. its just. again frustrating.

it sometimes makes me cry. and so it helps me sleep. but i guess that could promote an even greater amount of stress added to the one im already dealing with.

but i guess .. as they say it. everything has a positive side on it. even a dead clock shows the right time twice in a day. right?

and perhaps this disorder will give me some impetus towards starting my thesis on. [yey]

but for now............ i just wanna lay. FLAT. literally. FLAT . on the floor. or perhaps. JUST the bed for now.