SOLUTIONS THAT ARE HARD TO COME BY.

getting sick could be one way for God to tell you how much you need a day off..

but for me. . i just think it sucks. [not that i don't beleive that HE exists to give me this ]. its just a shame how a divine man of love and compassion could seriously take me through hell on earth..

and apparently for me.. getting sick is just not an effective way to get me back the road of praying and penance.

maybe because i think there shouldn't be any middle way of anything. it has to be good or bad. left or right. black or white. nothing else in between..

and so if he's supposed to give me anything just to get me back to my faith.. then it should either be that he leave me alone and let me live my life in peace. or just take it all away and let me die to make things simpler.

but no. and so the rest of history invented colds.. cough. and fever..

thanks to them. i'm having one of the most mournful days of my life.

im supposed to be in a pool. taking my classes. learning something new. learning the science of swimming and not sitting here writing all my disappointments and rage in a single peice of internet hobby that i don't even know would be anything better than just gulping it down.

and for the record.. it does irritate me to hear from other people such .. advice which for me are just not fitted for the situation.

and worse. they think they are right. when in fact. they are WRONG.

but i guess their words of shallow basis are just proofs of how easy it really is to suggest a solution when you hardly know the problem.

when you're just the man in the sidewalk. you'd think a band aid can keep you dying from a bullet in your chest. but if you're the surgeon who's been through rough times of medical school. you know it takes more than just some plastic remedy of the modern world to keep you alive. and that means a scalpel and a million-dollar hand to surgically remove that metal from your body cavities.

[ sigh ]

what am i saying.. i dont really know if im even making a point. or if im just writing like a drunk woman who just had a depressing break-up.

god. the sneezing makes it feel worse.

anyway. i guess that'll be most of it. for now.

i really don't wanna wet my whole keyboard. so. i better go.